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TOPIC: Groaners & Other Humor...
FMB


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Groaners & Other Humor...
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Krink had a good idea about a forum for jokes and such.... in the meantime we can use this sticky....



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 "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever"...

FMB


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age.jpg



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 "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever"...

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snip-1.jpg



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Force Majeure

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Percentage of Time Spent 

Wishing Adobe, Intuit, and Micro$hit

Would All Self-Destruct

100-4c.gif



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Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.  - Voltaire



Force Majeure

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tu many stickeys and bels and whistels Troll 85/k



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Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.  - Voltaire

FMB


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THE RECESSION HITS EVERYBODY  
 
 I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.    
 
 Wives are sleeping with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
 
 CEO's are now playing miniature golf.      
 
 Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.      
 
 A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.      
 
 I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
        
 If the bank returns your check "Insufficient Funds," you call and ask if they meant you or them.
 
 McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
 
 Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .      
 
 Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.      
 
 My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her!    
 
 A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
 
 A picture is now only worth 200 words.      
 
 When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.      
 
 The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
 
 Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!        
 
 And, finally

            
 I was so depressed last night, thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...



-- Edited by FMB on Wednesday 6th of April 2011 07:54:50 AM

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her we go agan again weirdface.gif



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MOLA LABEL

FMB


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haulinass.jpg



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 "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever"...

FMB


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THE GYNECOLOGIST WHO BECAME A MECHANIC

 A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice
insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another
career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a
mechanic.

 He went to the local technical college, signed up for
evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the
time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully
for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results
came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

 Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I
don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder
if there is an error in the grade?" "The instructor said, "During the exam,
you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.
You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50%of
the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50%
because you did it all through the muffler,which I've never seen done in my
entire career".



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Force Majeure

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LAMO off. 1500% is deserved when you think they have to work on this along with anything good that comes along. Don't even want to go there with Smell-0-Vision enabled... ashamed ashamed ashamed ashamed ashamed ashamed

 

haulinass.jpg



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Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.  - Voltaire



Upgraded Condition?

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That is what's called...."HAULIN ASS"



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        Right there is a Prize



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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.



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A man and his wife were sitting in the living room when he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." With that, his wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.



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FMB


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Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't
ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going
to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to
the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a
loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only
two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them, They didn't get old by being stupid!



-- Edited by FMB on Monday 2nd of April 2012 07:48:54 PM

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Uke


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Anybody else remember Mitch Hedberg? Crazy motherfucker.. Something about his delivery. Weirdest cat. He kicked it near my old home town in 'Jersey a few years ago.



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